Reflections on Motherhood

I have always loved children; but when Brian and I would talk about having a baby, I always said "I'm not ready." I would joke that I was too selfish because I liked to sleep late, go out to dinner whenever we wanted, take trips at a moment's notice, and in general just focus on us. Then 2009 came along and brought with it the worst stretch of my life.

• January - I lost my full-time job and was moved to part-time
• March - I began teaching four nights a week from 6 to 10 p.m. Most days I was gone before Brian got home and he was in bed by the time I got home.
• April - My beloved grandmother died. The night before I was supposed to leave for her funeral, our house was robbed.
• June - Elena got sick and was admitted into the hospital.
• July - I started a new job. Elena passed away three weeks after I started.
• August - I tried to find a way to get back to somewhat of a normal life.
• September - Life changed forever. We figured out we were going to have a baby.

I bring all those things up not to make anyone sad, although looking at them all chronicled out does bring a tear to my eye. Instead I bring them up because I don't know that I would ever have truly appreciated just how magnificent my life is now without going through all of that to get here.

I have the most fantastic husband, best friend and provider in Brian. I wrote here about him wanting to give Madeline a yard to play in. While a grassy back yard doesn't seem like that big of a deal to some, it is huge to me because he wanted to make our home better for this beautiful girl that we love with ever fiber of our being. It was an idea he had on Sunday, September 26th and by the following Saturday it was done. And it's more beautiful than I ever imagined. I can already see us sitting out there on a blanket while she plays and filling the yard with friends and family when Madeline celebrates her first birthday next year.

And we have Madeline. I knew that motherhood would be amazing, but I don't think I realized how this beautiful little person would change me to the core. All those things I thought I didn't want to give up (like sleeping in and going out) don't matter. There's nothing better to me than sitting at home on a Saturday night with her and Brian, watching a movie and listening to her laughing on her play mat or seeing her sleep curled up in his lap. Life is so wonderful, and it gets better by the day.