Chronos Time versus Kairos Time

Earlier today a friend shared this amazing post on being a mom, and it stopped me in my tracks. I felt like this woman was inside my head and writing in a crystal-clear way all the things I feel.I wouldn't do the post justice by summarizing it because it's just so beautifully written, but here are a few excerpts.


Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy every second, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But as 2011 closes, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn’t work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life – while I’m raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I’m not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I’m doing something wrong.

I think parenting young children (and old ones, I’ve heard) is a little like climbing Mount Everest. Brave, adventurous souls try it because they’ve heard there’s magic in the climb. They try because they believe that finishing, or even attempting the climb are impressive accomplishments. They try because during the climb, if they allow themselves to pause and lift their eyes and minds from the pain and drudgery, the views are breathtaking. They try because even though it hurts and it’s hard, there are moments that make it worth the hard.These moments are so intense and unique that many people who reach the top start planning, almost immediately, to climb again. Even though any climber will tell you that  most of the climb is treacherous, exhausting, killer. That they literally cried most of the way up.

And so I think that if there were people stationed, say, every thirty feet along Mount Everest yelling to the climbers – “ARE YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!? IF NOT, YOU SHOULD BE! ONE DAY YOU’LL BE SORRY YOU DIDN’T!” TRUST US!! IT’LL BE OVER TOO SOON! CARPE DIEM!”  - those well-meaning, nostalgic cheerleaders might be physically thrown from the mountain.

...

Anyway. Clearly, Carpe Diem doesn’t work for me. I can’t even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question.

Here’s what does work for me:

There are two different types of time. Chronos time is what we live in. It’s regular time, it’s one minute at a time, it’s staring down the clock till bedtime time, it’s ten excruciating minutes in the Target line time, it’s four screaming minutes in time out time, it’s two hours till daddy gets home time. Chronos is the hard, slow passing time we parents often live in.

Then there’s Kairos time. Kairos is God’s time. It’s time outside of time. It’s metaphysical time. It’s those magical moments in which time stands still. I have a few of those moments each day. And I cherish them.

People tell me all the time to enjoy these moments because they pass so fast. Honestly I am guilty of it too, having said it to friends who have children younger than Madeline. But there are days when being a mom is just really, really hard. We have been blessed with a very good child. From day one, she hasn't been a super fussy kid, she started sleeping through the night at about 10 weeks, and for the most part she's very happy-go-lucky. 

But then there are the Chronos moments. The ones where I'm literally just trying to make it through each minute of a screaming tantrum that probably started because she was holding something saying "mine, mine, mine" and that item was not, in fact, hers. Those are the ones where I just sit and let it pass, sometimes laughing because it's all I can do. 

This morning for example is a perfect example of the Chronos versus Kairos. Madeline is her daddy's girl. She loves her sleep. She does not like to be woken up at 6:30 to get ready for daycare when she could easily sleep until 8:30. She fussed and screamed "no Momma" and I did what I could to get her dressed, pull her hair out of her face and get her out the door. But once we were in the car with her juice and fruit snacks,  everything changed. Kairos time kicked in, and my sweet little girl started her morning chant of "whee" and "whoa" every time we turned a corner, like we were on some sort of amusement park ride. This is something new she's started doing, and I love it. I love that she is finding joy is something as simple as our daily ride to daycare and work. And through her, I don't dread my drive, either.

I am going to embrace this idea of Chronos versus Kairos and try to remember every time that we're immersed in a moment I am ready to put behind me, a beautiful, "I'll always remember this moment"  may be just around the corner.