It's All in the Eyes

Whenever someone meets the girls (or sees their picture), they almost always talk about their eyes. And why not? Both girls have beautiful eyes, each their own different shade of blue. Madeline's are more of a crystal blue and they just shine from her face, while Charlotte's are a deeper blue and when her eyes are open they just draw you in.

When I look in my girls' eyes, I'm frequently overcome by emotion. I realize how blessed I am to have these two amazing girls who bring so much joy to our lives.Their eyes convey what's going on - whether they're wide open and conveying joy, or filled with tears to let us know they're sad, hungry or in pain (or just throwing a tantrum because they want more cheese or fruit snacks).

But then sometimes, when I look at those beautiful eyes, I'm overwhelmed by sadness. I think about how hard it must have been for my dad when we lost Elena. I remember looking at her, eyes shut, before they took her away, and pushing the hair from her face. I remember telling her how much we'd miss her and thinking we'd never see her eyes open again. I realized in an unbelievably intense way that life would absolutely never be the same again. And it hasn't been the same - much of it has actually be better than I ever thought possible - but there are still those major underpinnings of grief just under the surface, sitting there waiting to swell up and catch me by surprise.

These thoughts come at me for no reason in particular. They aren't necessarily because it is a significant day - like her birthday or the anniversary of her passing. I think they're just always there, at the back of my brain, because I'm a mom. I think that they come to me because I now know what it means to truly love beyond what you thought possible even though these little people have only been in your life for a few years or months.

I wish I never knew the grief of losing my baby sister, but I know her passing has made me appreciate life more. I frequently (and maybe almost always) tell people how blessed I am when they compliment my girls.

I didn't write this to make people feel sad, although I know for some that sadness will be a result of reading it. It was an idea I had when I was in the car, and I just wrote what I felt when I sat down at the computer. I  wrote it to remind us all when we look in the eyes of the people we love to treasure them - to capture that moment in our hearts and heads and be thankful for each day we have with them.

Postcript:
Shortly after posting this, someone had this picture on their Facebook page. I loved it.