Reflections on mommyhood

From time to time I find myself reflecting in the last 8 1/2 months, and today I thought I'd capture them. I was sitting in the pediatrician's office with Madeline because she was running a fever, had a super runny nose and was far more fussy than she normally is. The appointment went fine and the doc said she may have a bit of a bug but that there's nothing to worry about at this point.

"There's nothing to worry about." Those words are so much more simple to say than to follow because I worry about why she's not feeling well as well as a variety of things that float through my head on a daily basis...

am I being the best mom to her that I can?
am I making the right choice to put her in daycare and not stay home?
am I doing her a dis-service by stopping pumping and weaning her from breast feeding?
am I bad a mom because I'm not making her food from scratch like I'd originally planned?
...and so many other random things

Before I got pregnant, I never thought I was ready to have a child because I always joked that I was far too self-centered. I wanted to sleep late and run out the door at a moment's notice, but all of that changed the minute she blessed our world. I don't care if it takes me 20 minutes to get out the door because I am making sure I have all the gear I need to make sure she's cared for while we're out. I don't care if she wakes up hours before we would like to get up. When she looks at me with those beautiful blue eyes and I look next to me and see the most-amazing man I could ask for helping me through, I know that life is truly complete.

In just 8 1/2 months, this amazing little person has wrapped us all around her finger, and I can't help but think about what it is like for Christina Green's parents to lose their little girl because of one person's actions. Or I inevitably think about my dad trying each day to move on after losing his baby girl after 27 years. I know those are extreme cases of loss, but I think that one of the ways we truly can understand and appreciate what we have is to consider the alternative. And when I think of that alternative I realize that the stupid things like formula versus breast milk and canned food versus homemade don't matter. What matters is that I love this little girl with every fiber of my being and I know in my heart she knows it.